lee
2014-08-01 13:32:53 UTC
Criticism
---------
Was to be entitled M:
i. 1000 syllables, Roman numeral;
ii. ten times ten times ten
iii. Megan
The title became "Sussigkeit" - sweetheart.
The acrostic - s-u-s-s-i-g-k-e-i-t - check one to ten for assonance.
Suspicion - the below is difficult to scan -
usually 'sprung rhythm' requires an odd number of syllables per line.
nb what appears below would appear to be anonymous, with the question of
identity perhaps remaining a mystery.
I
Soft words spoken of scintillating speech
Surpassing serenading English sense
States US Salem's southern whispering
So seldom strict sweetness serving as task
Slinging weapons arms softly clohs your feet.
Somehow sifting prose & verse is beseech
Solitude forced ourself from our vows hence
Public's list sister wed thus secrétting
Unclasped seeing slightly thru someone's masque
Still instructing string somewhere surely sweet.
--
II
Uncle underground unduz unpleasant
Urchins under unemployed usurping
Untied united unholy undone
Uplifted us uns ubiquitously
Unending unrefined wuz wish Zucker.
Underling umbilical undistant
Unequality usses back snapping
Sunrise sunset surruptitiously fun
Buns onions butter mussels A&P
U Umlaut underestimates Bücher.
--
III
Soz like stepping once twice someone elses
First unacceptable so inclusion
In-sence thoughts sending silently supreme
Suicidal sin selfs perhaps Uhrspring
Unconscious subset saying softly soz.
Second laters said he's driving busses
Innocence as unawares mebs fusion
Loves letters sent suburbia thus dream
Courtship straight so seemed prèsent second spring
Softly this morning forecast snow in oz.
--
IV
Sorry ourzès yearsès separation
Such shortened strength survival so solo
Servèd severance as ourselves sighted saw
Short inscape althoughs eyes seeing sound sight
Inwards such days sliced hours ours ourz tortures.
Sorry hearts sustenance just orations
Yets agains i's woz alones ands pushed low
Subtlety should serve so so ancient lore
Mistress surfaced soon such wraiths spoken slight
Discretion séverèd anothers coutures.
--
V
I ich is indigo irridescent
Ill missives intimating living life
Its anomie introduced i into
Sick thinking mie reconcilliation
It is undying despite severence.
Sequitur silence indicates brief meant
Mine obiecense still avoiding this strife
If approaching unit children unto
I whisper with words in admiration
Possessing nil whilst youre anothers since.
--
VI
Just grandmother getting younger by year
Jestage age given geronimo gone
Youthful progenitor than progeny
Her Oma's magic graced assemblages
With BBQ & signalage of smoke.
Aggrandizement to gracious gentle gear
Jocund daughters joyously Bon Bon bon
Granted grounded religiosity
Opthalmologist greeted grunge au chez
God's grace taught generously gentlefolk.
--
VII
Candidly can count such candid courtage
Childishly thence hence expectationless
Careless child caught captive captivating
Cute call carrying accentuated
Cares constricted churlish on fiancée.
Could scarce credit duplications assuage
Each included cooling cooler coolness
Différences catching complementing
Lacking hook credulity was baited
Carrot charm on charm on charm could i say.
--
VIII
Evry each evanesced effervescence
Egalitarian hierarchy
Unseen ever in England excepting
North easts fragmented abject reménants
Of once equal acceptance in our worth.
L'Allegro early learnt began to sense
These riches wore the dress humility
Both here and there were the most discerning
Respected as each was contributants
Such twisted eglantine was down to earth.
--
IX
Individual isle archipelago
Is memoried where mesmorized we live
In Haven's synonymic town firstly
Renting finding abilities that spring
From occupation however humble.
'twas two paradise in one a go go
All was refined left right no need to sieve
Prepared for children working family
Heaven's haven with the bliss relaxing
Listening hell's ditch foretelling stumble.
--
X
Retreat from town to woods was next the wont
Resulting in exploration of them
Whilst auto nine to five was out with her
Whereto my shifts irregularity
Orienting fathoms on foot course found.
Haunted woods east imbibing from their font
Then pointed out one morn on sheets with hem
Slept with ticks mebs Lyme disease together
Neer bitten dyool idiosynchracy
Deutschland telephoned then landlubber bound.
--
---------
Was to be entitled M:
i. 1000 syllables, Roman numeral;
ii. ten times ten times ten
iii. Megan
The title became "Sussigkeit" - sweetheart.
The acrostic - s-u-s-s-i-g-k-e-i-t - check one to ten for assonance.
Suspicion - the below is difficult to scan -
usually 'sprung rhythm' requires an odd number of syllables per line.
nb what appears below would appear to be anonymous, with the question of
identity perhaps remaining a mystery.
I
Soft words spoken of scintillating speech
Surpassing serenading English sense
States US Salem's southern whispering
So seldom strict sweetness serving as task
Slinging weapons arms softly clohs your feet.
Somehow sifting prose & verse is beseech
Solitude forced ourself from our vows hence
Public's list sister wed thus secrétting
Unclasped seeing slightly thru someone's masque
Still instructing string somewhere surely sweet.
--
II
Uncle underground unduz unpleasant
Urchins under unemployed usurping
Untied united unholy undone
Uplifted us uns ubiquitously
Unending unrefined wuz wish Zucker.
Underling umbilical undistant
Unequality usses back snapping
Sunrise sunset surruptitiously fun
Buns onions butter mussels A&P
U Umlaut underestimates Bücher.
--
III
Soz like stepping once twice someone elses
First unacceptable so inclusion
In-sence thoughts sending silently supreme
Suicidal sin selfs perhaps Uhrspring
Unconscious subset saying softly soz.
Second laters said he's driving busses
Innocence as unawares mebs fusion
Loves letters sent suburbia thus dream
Courtship straight so seemed prèsent second spring
Softly this morning forecast snow in oz.
--
IV
Sorry ourzès yearsès separation
Such shortened strength survival so solo
Servèd severance as ourselves sighted saw
Short inscape althoughs eyes seeing sound sight
Inwards such days sliced hours ours ourz tortures.
Sorry hearts sustenance just orations
Yets agains i's woz alones ands pushed low
Subtlety should serve so so ancient lore
Mistress surfaced soon such wraiths spoken slight
Discretion séverèd anothers coutures.
--
V
I ich is indigo irridescent
Ill missives intimating living life
Its anomie introduced i into
Sick thinking mie reconcilliation
It is undying despite severence.
Sequitur silence indicates brief meant
Mine obiecense still avoiding this strife
If approaching unit children unto
I whisper with words in admiration
Possessing nil whilst youre anothers since.
--
VI
Just grandmother getting younger by year
Jestage age given geronimo gone
Youthful progenitor than progeny
Her Oma's magic graced assemblages
With BBQ & signalage of smoke.
Aggrandizement to gracious gentle gear
Jocund daughters joyously Bon Bon bon
Granted grounded religiosity
Opthalmologist greeted grunge au chez
God's grace taught generously gentlefolk.
--
VII
Candidly can count such candid courtage
Childishly thence hence expectationless
Careless child caught captive captivating
Cute call carrying accentuated
Cares constricted churlish on fiancée.
Could scarce credit duplications assuage
Each included cooling cooler coolness
Différences catching complementing
Lacking hook credulity was baited
Carrot charm on charm on charm could i say.
--
VIII
Evry each evanesced effervescence
Egalitarian hierarchy
Unseen ever in England excepting
North easts fragmented abject reménants
Of once equal acceptance in our worth.
L'Allegro early learnt began to sense
These riches wore the dress humility
Both here and there were the most discerning
Respected as each was contributants
Such twisted eglantine was down to earth.
--
IX
Individual isle archipelago
Is memoried where mesmorized we live
In Haven's synonymic town firstly
Renting finding abilities that spring
From occupation however humble.
'twas two paradise in one a go go
All was refined left right no need to sieve
Prepared for children working family
Heaven's haven with the bliss relaxing
Listening hell's ditch foretelling stumble.
--
X
Retreat from town to woods was next the wont
Resulting in exploration of them
Whilst auto nine to five was out with her
Whereto my shifts irregularity
Orienting fathoms on foot course found.
Haunted woods east imbibing from their font
Then pointed out one morn on sheets with hem
Slept with ticks mebs Lyme disease together
Neer bitten dyool idiosynchracy
Deutschland telephoned then landlubber bound.
--